31-01-2013, 09:54 AM
I have been married for 20 years to a man 15 years older than me. We have two children and a lovely home.
However, 11 years ago I met a married work colleague. As soon as he walked in the room 'sparks flew'. Up until that point, I had never looked at another man, let alone thought about adultery. Needless to say, we slept together.
I had just been made redundant, but over the years we kept in touch, but did not actually meet. Then, last year, we agreed to meet for a drink. Eight years had passed, but the chemistry was still there, if not stronger. We ended up sleeping together again.
We see each other perhaps four times a year, and we speak on the phone every couple of weeks or so. This suits us both because it can't interfere with our home lives.
I saw him a couple of days ago. Since I last saw him, I have lost a couple of stone, changed my hair colour and wore a diamond ring from my husband on my wedding finger.
Within 10 minutes we were making love and it was beautiful. We went downstairs for a drink and he spotted my ring. He commented that it must have cost a lot of money.
I was a little surprised because he plays his cards close to his chest. He's never commented on my jewellery before.
We went back to the room and made love again, but this time it was quite aggressive. He asked permission to insert something inside me, and I said yes.
Everything was fine and then he started to hurt me. I opened my eyes and he seemed to have a 'red mist' all around him. He was so intent on what he was doing to me, I don't think he heard me cry out in pain.
I put my hand down and gripped his arm, and he stopped. He then tenderly made love to me. I have always felt safe with him, but for a brief moment I was frightened.
Since then, I have had some internal bleeding, and this worries me, but I can't understand why he should turn into a Jekyll and Hyde character.
Was he 'marking his territory'? Was he jealous because my husband had bought me a new diamond ring?
We both have to accept the fact that we make love to our spouses. This has totally thrown me and I don't know what to think.
I don't know how to broach the subject without making him feel really bad. I have lost a little trust in him, but I don't want to not see him again. Am I my own worst enemy?